Yes, we are all very busy right now. Vicki and I were talking yesterday and I think it was the longest “to-do” list of the year including an hour in line at the post office with (hopefully) the last of the boxes. We just had to keep our heads down, stay focused and plow ahead. Several times yesterday I paused for a moment and realized I wouldn’t be running around this wildly if I didn’t have family and friends I care about and want to reach out to during the holiday. No friends plus no family equals a much shorter to-do list. This can be the loneliest time of the year for many who have few/no friends/family.
I have invested a lot of time over the last five years to understand and encourage community. I am learning a lot along the way – some things directly, others as a by-product of the experience. One of the more coincidental learnings of this year is the role time plays in preventing community. There are so many things to do and so much information begging our attention that it seems so much more difficult to get anyone’s attention (so thank you for taking the time to read this!). One small piece of evidence is how hard it is to get people to comment on blogs anymore (hint, hint).
As a concept, “making friends” sounds like a major investment of time and attention. To be sure it took years for my current best friendships to develop. But given today’s realities, it’s hard to get time and attention from others and we are less inclined to give up much time. So…
Imagine what you can do with just five minutes. (This came to me as I was waiting in line at the post office.) Five minutes, no more. Think of the people you encounter in your day to day life. There may be many, a few, even none. If more than one, think of the one you would feel most comfortable befriending and who would most appreciate five minutes of your time and attention. Then, just once, give them five minutes. Just once.
How do you do that – give them five minutes? Make a conscious effort to make five minutes available to them that is truly focused on them, not on you. Observe. Listen. Do something unexpected and nice.
Do it once. Five intentional minutes to befriend a person. Then see how you feel.
What if there are no people you encounter day-to-day in life? People are all around us, we just don’t reach out to them. Think of those who are around you – neighbors, workers at the grocery store or gas station – and make an effort to intentionally reach out to them.
I think community is going to be revitalized a moment at a time, not as a massive program or commitment. It starts with focused attention to trying, then five minutes. And it gets easier from there.
