This last year I find I am doing much more “watching” than “acting” in my life.  I am seeing so  many things going on in American life that just look different to me – different in ways that don’t feel like they will return to the way they were.  Different in ways that are neither necessarily good or bad.  Just different.

With you.

They weren’t distracted. You had their time and attention.  They were not even BY a phone, let alone on it.  They weren’t texting. They were coming much closer to listening, seeing and paying attention to you than they seem to now.

I shouldn’t say they – WE. Because we all have the ability to turn our heads.  To unconsciously dismiss those who are standing next to us.  And because it happens so constantly I’m afraid we don’t see it happening.  As a result, I’m thinking people are feeling more alone – even when they are with others.

Distraction isn’t just the dismissing or ignoring of others, it is the lack of focus.  It’s thinking about something for a moment, then something else, and something else, all in quick turns.  We are distracted from purpose.  I wonder how much we actually accomplish “on purpose” anymore because of the ease of distraction.

It’s bad enough that it happens in the physical world where we have our five senses to at least remind us that we are literally standing next to each other. This distraction, I fear, is far more threatening to our purposeful lives. If the things which are really, physically, actually right in front of me can’t hold our attention, how can we hope that “ultimate purpose,” which can never be seen, will?

So I am spending more time watching life these days and a little less acting in it or on it.  Because I think life as we know it is changing in ways that will never be possible to undo – the same way having a car or electricity, or TV changed us forever and we no longer ponder.

We can’t. We are too distracted.

Then I think about the people I love and how my attention to them is clearly changing, in part, because of the community emphasis in my work.  I am happy to report I am doing more to practice what I preach.  (Which, in part, means a few less blog entries and a few more letters to loved ones).

I find I am starting routines that are becoming something of personal traditions for me. Some daily, some weekly, some monthly.

• DAILY: My day starts the same way now.  Early in our marriage, Vicki would - rightly - comment on how little I do to help around the house. She doesn't anymore.  I hope it's because she sees my efforts.  Every morning I do the same five things around the house.  She never asked me to do them.  I just started.  First one, did it for a week, then added another, and another.  You know what happened?  I started LOOKING FORWARD to doing it.  And when she has the audacity to do one of the five I actually get upset "Hey! That's my job!"  I look forward to the morning routine, along with a cup of coffee and reading the paper, every day. And I miss it when I am on the road.  Routine - tradition of a sort - welded it into an attentive, expected moment in my everyday life where my focus is intentionally on the - now joyful - contribution to the everyday running of a house.
• WEEKLY: My father-in-law now lives in an assisted living facility.  I took a small risk, followed by a huge risk a while back.  I wrote him a letter - a small risk - because I was certain he would appreciate it, but I was fearful he would expect more.  Then the huge risk, I wrote another one the next week - I had confirmed the expectation.  I am now far enough along I know in my heart I can't miss a week.  My fear? That I would be "stuck" doing it when I didn't want to.  What I didn't factor into it?  I WANT TO!  I look forward to my letters to Bud as much as I do my daily chores.  (Ok, now that I read that, I realize that seems a bit over the top, but it's true.)  It is never a chore.  And because it is a heart-level commitment, and a COMMITMENT, distractions never get in the way.
• MONTHLY:  I have three friends who have been friends for more than 30 years.  What a gift.  Though we live in different states, we get together at least once a year, every year.  A few years back during one of our visits someone suggested we ought to touch base the first of the month. It scared me to near death.  Only "near" death because I figured we would do it once or twice and then it would go away because we got distracted. We are now several years into monthly contact.  Once again, it's great.  It's a priority. It's a tradition.  It's part of the routine.  So it trumps distraction.
• ANNUALLY: For more than 30 years, me and the three guys just mentioned have met in the spring in Myrtle Beach for - what started out as - a weekend of golf.  Two of the four of us - including me - have never missed a year.  What started as golf turned into an annual review of our lives and the things we do on purpose.  It is one of the most important benchmarks in my life to keep me thinking about the important over the urgent.

Ok, another book-length post.  But in case you can't tell it, I am finding great delight in the power of routines to make the important things in life - like supporting those you love - a higher priority than the million things every day that strive to distract us.

UPDATE ON THE NEW WEBSITE: I saw a mock of the new MySimpleCommunity website yesterday. We are within a few weeks. I look forward to the new-n-improved which will convert my speeches into discussions - you get to contribute to the discussion.